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Airport Don’ts

Thu, 06/22/2017
Airport Etiquette

These days everyone seems to fly, making not only the airport a busier and more daunting place, but it has also it has also become common to share tips and ideas about getting through the airport. Everyone and their Grandma seems to be an expert on what you should do next time you’re at the airport to save time; spend less; avoid waiting so long at the gate; pack more efficiently; get more out of your weight allowance; land better seats in the plane; get off the plane first; get through security faster; sleep better during the flight; how to dress; what to eat; the list goes on…

With everyone getting so comfortable with flying, many begin to get a little too at home in the hangar and forget there are plenty of things you should not do when you’re in the airport.


Hardcore Drinking
Why not wait until you are actually on holiday before getting too much into ‘the holiday spirit’, in fact it’s probably best to stay away from spirits at all if you want half a chance of catching your flight, if you want to have an alcoholic drink in the airport, stick to something softer and it’s important you don’t overdo it. You’ll want a clear head if your gate number changes, there is an emergency exit during take-off or any other plans change. Not only are there countless less-than-classy stories of drunken passengers which have graced the news, but also alcohol dehydrates you and this doesn’t mix well with the high-altitude…
Plus, if you get denied boarding for being drunk and disorderly, the airline don’t have to pay you compensation or find your another flight, as it’s not their fault. Even if you can hold your drink and manage to board the flight, loading up on drinks before take-off is not the best idea when you’re suddenly left waiting for the plane to reach cruising altitude and for the seatbelt sign to go off so that you can rush to the toilet and relieve yourself.

Gate Lurk
The ‘gate lurker’, as aptly named by aviation staff, is not a rare specimen and can be seen in airports the world over. Find them hovering near the front of the waiting area by the gate, anxiously looking at the announcement boards and trying to eavesdrop on what the airline cabin crew are saying and doing before they call the passengers to board the flight. Gate lurker is always one of the first in the queue, it’s important for them to be first on the plane… the fact that they already have allocated seats doesn’t seem to put these people off, the most important thing is getting their luggage on before all the overhead space is gone. Although the efforts of the gate lurker to secure his precious bag a place above his seat are admirable, little does he realise how absurd his behaviour appears to onlookers, yet there's no way he's going to fork out for priority boarding either…

Get Angry
Let’s be honest, the lead up to the holiday can be really stressful, you’ve booked and managed to pack your suitcase fine; but after the drive to the airport, getting lost twice, finding the long stay car park, checking your bags in, entertaining the kids while waiting for security, getting searched at security and scorned at because you forgot that bottle of water in your bag, your temper can run wild with you when you’re about to get on a flight. “If one more thing goes wrong...” you say to yourself, getting geared up to go ape sh*t at whatever pushes you over the edge... But wait, breathe, be cool.. Remember you’re going on holiday after all, and it’s probably not the airport staff or cabin crew’s fault that you’re having a bad day… or that the flight is delayed… or that your coffee costs £6… or that they aren’t doing the 2-for-1 Smirnoff/Baileys/Bombay Sapphire offer in the duty-free anymore…

Flirt with Staff
Do you normally make passes at people at work at 8am? Just because Julia from the Lufthansa check in desk looks pleasant, or your flight attendant Katerina smiled nicely at you, doesn’t give you a cue to start chatting them up. It makes them feel uneasy, and it makes the other passengers feel sick.

Queue Jump
Everybody knows that ‘manners maketh the man’. So the moment you lose yours, you lose a bit of respect for yourself and you run the risk of starting an altercation with a fellow passenger, which can lead to the airline refusing to let you on the plane. When you’re running late, ask people politely and explain you might miss your flight; you might be surprised at how understanding they are. If you’re really impatient, read our tips on how to save time at the airport.

Play the Joker
If you want to, go ahead and crask your joke about how you didn’t pack your bag yourself, how a strange looking man asked you to put something inside it, mention explosive devices or say anything along these lines that is supposed to be ironic; doing so could mean you get detained, your bag gets destroyed in a controlled explosion and you’ll probably miss your flight. The airport is serious place when it comes to jokes like this, so if you’re a natural class clown, leave this topic alone… There’s enough material inside the airport to inspire new puns and jokes (emotional baggage, terminal illness, friends in high places, taking off)!

Have Personal Entertainment Too Loud
Put simply, if you have a tablet, phone or personal gaming device and wish to entertain yourself in the plane, at the gate or anywhere in public, wear headphones. Other people do not appreciate having to listen to your loud video/game/music. Of course, young children are exempted from this, we’re sure their parents would much rather them watch Peppa Pig than run wild, get lost or try to eat the larger-than-life M&M figurines in duty free...


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Liked this blog: why not check out The Slang of the Skies: Understanding the Flight Crew or Air Miles Secret Tips from Frequent Flyers.